The Challenge
/A couple years back, I was introduced to America’s Fifth Major Professional Sport (credit Bill Simmons and David Jacoby), MTVs, The Challenge. I had barely remembered seeing this show on MTV in its infancy, and I didn’t really get it. I was too young, and it just wasn’t for me at the time. Sadly, I found this gem way too late in life. It combined so many of my favorite things. Crazy people, feats of athleticism, alcohol, politics, strategy, exotic locations, puzzles, attractive people, drama, trivia, and a variety of other crazy and super elaborate challenges. And when I say crazy and elaborate, I mean that in the very serious sense. Have you ever seen a party bus full of ex college athletes, who for some reason have some crazy hierarchical issues, crash into a ninja warrior course, that includes trivia and puzzles? Me either, but that’s what this is. Here’s a solid clip of some of the insane stunts and challenges that they have there contestants go through;
So the “Challenges” are one thing, and sure, they are crazy. The other aspect is the social and political aspects. Like a lot of successful reality shows, there are votes to eliminate other competitors/teams. In the case of the Challenge, the voting often sends a competitor, or in some circumstances a team of competitors, to compete against another person/team, to see who has the right to stay in the game. Also like most other game shows, there is a huge reward for the winner(s), i.e. the champions from this year's season of the show (season 36) will bring down 1 Million dollars, so it’s worth the chaos that is, The Challenge.
So it’s great, and it’s ridiculous TV, and I understand that, but here’s what I’m thinking. Instead of pulling from old shows like Road Rules, The Real World, Big Brother, Survivor, and other random shows, maybe we put together a cast entirely of our favorite wrestlers. But there are some important things to consider when putting together an entertaining cast. We need to want to watch this show, so I’m not throwing in just anyone. I need to have indefinite confidence that these competitors are going to be entertaining as well. ALSO, it’s important that I feel they’ll be able to play the political game, so I’ll be taking that into consideration as well while coming out with this All Star Cast. One final point is that many of the seasons have themes. For example, Battle of the Exes, Battle of the Sexes, Rivals, Free Agents, etc… For the purposes of this exercise, we are going with teams of male and female competitors, and I’m pairing them alphabetically by last name. Seems the best way for me to complete this exercise honestly, and make the pairings after the fact, without intentionally making groups. Lastly, in my hypothetical scenario, these athletes have all abandoned their wrestling dreams, and are all in on TV personality dreams. It’s important to keep that in mind for this exercise. The Challenge is exciting because of the chaos and excitement that’s created by filling a house full of attractive type A personalities, and giving them alcohol. Enjoy yourself!
Female Contestants;
Victoria Anthony - So of all the athletes I’ve chosen so far, I’ve only really had any direct conversations with Alec Pantaleo, Alexis Porter, and Julia coming up (Canton Michigan, what’s up), so a lot of what I base these on is social media presence, athletic ability/accomplishments, and natural ability to stand out. For someone so small, I can’t think of many other athletes who have such a commanding presence. She seems like a delight to hang with, always laughing/smiling, and travels around a ton. She also brings a likeability that will help her create strong alliances, which is a MUST if you are going to make it far in the challenge. Nobody makes it far by being horrible to be around, and generally unlikeable. Thankfully for Victoria, she brings the opposite of those qualities. Oh and she’s a good teammate to have for speed challenges. She’s super fast. Victoria is a crazy strong competitor and will be a valuable teammate in this event.
Alexis Porter - So we’ve got all of the competitive and athletic pieces in here with Alexis. What you’re also getting with Alexis is a strategic thinker, and someone who will be able to battle politically with the best of them in this game. You can count on her to deliver in the Challenges, and be a partner who can help stay two or three steps ahead of the other teams. Oh, and she’s just cool and personable, so she’ll be an enjoyable person to battle with throughout this whole ordeal. It’s a game that can mentally, emotionally, as well as physically drain even the strongest of competitors, so having a partner like Alexis will be a real advantage for someone.
Jacarra Winchester - Big smile, lots of fun posts, World Champion. All good things to have from a competitive and fun to watch standpoint. Then you add in that she sometimes has blue hair, makes funny shot sled videos with Mortal Kombat music, and dresses as Wonder Woman. Yeah, of course she’s in the house. Personality, entertainment value, and competitive edge are three major aspects that she’ll bring to the house, and her team. Jacarra is very much in.
Julia Salata - Assuming American Airlines doesn’t lose all of her gear on the way to the Challenge house, she’ll be a great addition here. Julia will be a great social addition to the house, and won’t shy away from any of the competitions. Sumo suit competition? Why do I feel like Julia has a ton of experience in this? Karaoke competition? I can’t speak to her ability to sing, but I can say that I’m confident that whatever ability she lacks, she’ll make up for in energy and enthusiasm. Julia is involved with a ton of organizations to promote Women’s wrestling, wrestling as a sport, and her full time role as a College Coach. All of that is to say that she will be able to juggle the complexities of this game without issue. She will be an excellent Challenge competitor, and will bring the fun and excitement that you want to see in a contestant.
Forrest Molinari - Remember that Mary J. Blige song, “No More Drama”? I feel like Forrest hasn’t heard that song, but if she did, she’d hate it. Not the beat, but the principle of it. I don’t think Forrest is a negative person, so please don’t read it that way, but I don’t believe she’s afraid of confrontation. That sort of drama, and excitement, usually makes for a great challenge contestant. In addition, she’s a beast. I feel like Snowflake will bring the sort of habitual line stepping needed to bring this show to fifth gear, and is the sort of person you love to have on your team, and hate to go against.
Haley Augello - This article idea came from a combination of me watching The Challenge once again, and then Haley tweeting that she felt she had passed her reality TV prime. I disagree. I think she would be great for this show. First off, she’s an Olympian, which is always a draw. Secondly, badasses are always welcomed, and she’s one half of Team BA for Life, so there’s that piece of it. Thirdly, judging by her Twitter, she’s a fan of reality television. It is super important for the people on the show to have an understanding of what she’s getting into, and I believe that Haley will come in having already thought about what her strategy will be, and how she would go about creating alliances in the house, and how she would find her way to the finals. Haley, you haven't passed your prime for reality TV. You’re entering it.
Male Contestants;
Mason Beckman will bring the fun for sure. He rocks awesome shoes, is a proven competitor, and would be able to hang in any of the extracurriculars that take place. Mason seems like he’s ready to bring the competitive spirit, enthusiasm, and energy that it will take to start off a strong group of men. This is a game that favors people who other people want to be around, and in that sense, Mason will be around for quite some time. Additionally, you don’t become a 2x All American for Lehigh University by accident.
Nick Gwiazdowski has fantastic hair. If you haven’t heard the song Werewolves in London, then I’m sorry. More importantly though, there’s a line in the song about a Werewolf eating at a diner… pause… “his hair is perfect.” That’s Gwiz. Also, judging by his IG, and general social media presence, and big smile, the dude seems to be a fun loving guy. That sort of excellence and attitude is going to be important in The Challenge. I’m excited to see how he utilizes his hair in a variety of ways to win some tough challenges. Oh, he’s also enormous and charismatic.
Anthony Ashnault - Dude is mobbin. I am fairly confident I know that that means, but with ample time on screen, I’m sure I will. Plus the dude seems confident and charismatic in his interviews, both of which translate super well to The Challenge. He’s big enough to compete with some of the larger competitors, and he’s small enough to handle some of the tricky challenges that require hanging or climbing or any of those things that frequently come up. I cannot be convinced that putting Shnaulty in the Challenge house with other super athletes won’t bring out the best in him.
Zahid Valencia - There is no way that he’s not involved in The Challenge. The dude interviews well, is an absolute monster, is super competitive and athletic, and I’ll just say it… Would have a great time at the house parties. I don’t mean that in any negative context. That’s what this is. It’s the Challenge. You plot and scheme with your alliances while socializing at clubs, or at the house, or at the pool, or working out during the day. Zahid was made for the Challenge. Well, he was made for Wrestling, but if wrestling was no longer an option, The Challenge would be his calling.
Alec Pantaleo - Superfreak Alec is absolutely necessary to this house. Alec will bring a lot to this event. Alec is a crazy athlete who I’ve seen do crazy flips and parkour moves off of just about anything. I don’t know what challenges these athletes will run into, but I do know that super explosive jumps and flips are a positive ability to have here. Also, I feel like Alec would also excel at the political aspects of the game. Plus, lets face it, you’ve got to have super ripped out and athletic looking athletes. If Alec is anything, he’s that. Plus the dude rides motorcycles and other cool stuff, so don’t even bother sending in the audition tape. He’s in.
J’Den Cox - A natural performer, other worldly athlete, competitive and athletic whirlwind, and strategic thinker. If I’m making a prediction on performance, I’m thinking that J’Den is likely to observe the situation, make quick and lasting alliances, and use his likeable nature to make a strong run in this event. J’Den is also a double threat, in that he’s just as dangerous in the trivia or puzzles as he would be in the physical Challenges. Throw a Karaoke challenge at J’Den, still, game over. He is a buzzsaw of ability, and a dangerous competitor in this setting.
Teams! As discussed, the teams are being paired alphabetically, male and female. So here we go!
Anthony Ashnault and Victoria Anthony - This team will be able to create some strong alliances. This crew’s strong points will be immediately creating alliances, and developing a political stranglehold on the house. Additionally, they’ll be able to back that up with a ferocious competitive side, and personalities that people will want to keep around.
Mason Beckman and Haley Augello - Beckman and Augello are as enjoyable and fun as it gets. You get a double dose of fun! You pair up people like this, they’ll be able to work in the house to eliminate stronger teams. Look for team BA (wow, that worked out pretty well) to quickly make friends with other teams, and work to eliminate some of the threatening teams. Speaking of threatening teams;
J’Den Cox and Forrest Molinari - Oh damn. This is an immediate finals contender. You have the cerebral and diverse approach of J’Den, paired with the firm and aggressive approach of Forrest, and you have a team that will either go big early, or go home. This team is going to be a target, but they are prepared to win any challenges thrown their way.
Nick Gwiazdowski and Alexis Porter - This is another team with serious potential. This team is as physically imposing as you can find. It’s hard to see them faltering in a physical challenge, but the challenge is just that. It’s chaos. Look for them to also be targeted from day one. I’m a big fan of the phrase “the cream will rise to the top” in these sorts of competitions, and even if targeted, they are as prepared to navigate their way through that chaos as any.
Alec Pantaleo and Julia Salata - I promise I didn’t do this exercise to pair the world class athletes from South Eastern Michigan, but that’s what happened. Their familiarity is going to give them an advantage, in that they’ll be on the same page from day 1. In addition, I think they’ll match the level of fun and political savvy that Beckman and Augello will bring to the game, which will help them stick around.
Zahid Valencia and Jacarra Winchester - This is team fun! Again, assuming this is in a world where these athletes have abandoned their wrestling careers for reality TV stardom, this team will bring the most excitement and chaos. Of course they’re crazy athletes like the rest of the cast, and will be able to compete in any level of competitions, but they’ll also bring an unpredictability that will make or break their chances.
This is the part of the article where I have to find a clever way to end it, and yet, I’m here thinking about how I’ve just taken some of the best wrestlers from the United States, and turned them into reality TV stars. I’m 100% okay with that, because The Challenge is awesome, and I’d like to see these people compete like the maniacally competitive, athletic, and super awesome people that they are. Go win your million. Win it for me!
