You may not know this, but I’m an extremely accomplished coach. In my three years of coaching at a nearby High School, I helped coach a team that won Districts twice! It was a damn fine accomplishment for a school that hadn’t won in a while, and without a full lineup (point of clarity, Tommy had been there and done more that I did, timing just worked out well this way, but the facts remain!). So with those credentials, along with possibly coaching a young Rayvon Foley in Freestyle for several weeks, I’ve decided to watch some film, and point out some important things that you can incorporate into your own style. I see this happen frequently with some of the great wrestlers from the past, both domestically, and internationally, but why haven’t we explored the greatness of some of the great competitors that TV has brought to us? This great competitor I’m speaking of, is of course, Homer Simpson.

Homer has been through a variety of battles, and always comes out on top. He’s beaten Zombies, Itchy and Scratchy robots that went crazy, a series of bums and hobos, survived a fight with Drederick Tatum, and a fight with Waylon Smithers (who Homer grossly underestimated). But here, we explore a specific fight he had in Season 4, Episode 14, with Bart’s new “big brother”. Bart is mad at Homer because he forgot to pick him up from Soccer practice, which is reasonable for Bart, who then pretends Homer is dead, and gets his own big brother from the agency. They meet at an aquarium on accident (because of course Homer went and got himself a little brother through the same organization to get back at Bart, because that’s also reasonable), and the fight begins;

First off, Homer takes the sucker punch in the face like a champ.

Lesson #1, always be ready. You can’t put your foot on the line if you aren’t ready to go. In Homer’s defense, there wasn’t exactly a line or whistle, but regardless. Be ready is the lesson.

Homer does stagger back, and recovers well, as he breaks open a fish tank, and immediately begins firing off starfish like throwing stars.

Lesson #2, be creative in your defense. There are too many ways to finish a shot. Everyone who wrestles in college gets there with good offense. It’s the creative and comfortable defenses that allow you to get to a level where you confuse and frustrate your opponents. Be comfortable and creative in what you can do defensively, and don’t just rely on one thing. Explore techniques in practice.

The two square up, in what resembles the old intro to Street Fighter 2, and Homer points and says “look, there’s another disadvantaged boy”. When Tom (The surrogate dad/big brother) looks, Homer punches him in the face.

Lesson #3, practice set-ups with your shots. Clearly this distraction was a set up to the punch in the face. But what’s most important, was that it was a convincing distraction. If you are telegraphing your setups because you aren’t practicing them, then you aren’t going to have the success you’re looking for in those shots. I learned way too late, that simply diving in on shots is not going to help you be successful. You need a plan, or even better several plans, on how you are going to get to the offense you want. After a while, it becomes fluid, and you can begin incorporating other chain moves off of those attacks. Homer has practiced the misdirection setup, so when he hit it, it was natural, and worked. Be Homer.

Later in the fight, after a brief shot of Kent Brockman being prank’d by some drunken frat boys, we see Homer making moves forward. It happens off screen, but we can assume he’s landed a series of shots. He continues his onslaught of attacks by missing a punch, but breaking a sign over Tom’s head. Tom lands a counter shot, which Homer follows up with a picture perfect double leg through the doors of the Antique shop.

Lesson #4, keep your pace high. Homer may look like he’s out of shape, and wouldn’t make it long in a brawl like this one, but he’s clearly the one dictating the pace here. I recently heard Sean Bormet discussing Eric Tannenbaum as someone who’s style (I’m paraphrasing here) of chaining so many attacks together, and taking someone down to let them up, was at another level. That it would break kids spirits. Something that is mentioned a lot, is how making someone tired can make a coward of them, but there’s something different about breaking someone’s spirit. You don’t need to be tired to lose faith, and that’s what Homer is trying to do here.

The two of them roll down a mountain and into Springfield Gorge, only to return up the mountain in the same scramble.

Lesson #5, Scrambling is important. Keep your head up. Practice scrambling. You can’t get good and feel good in uncomfortable positions without working on them. Be okay giving up some take-downs in practice to try some things. Talk with your partners also, and see where you lost the position. You’re there in the same room to help one another. If you don’t practice scrambling, you won’t be ready when you need it.

The two end up in the street, and actually finish off the Street Fighter 2 intro, with Tom getting a couple solid shots in, ending when Homer falls back and lands on a fire hydrant, saying “This is even more painful than it looks”.

Lesson #6, don’t wrestle on cement. Just trust me. Unless you’re defending yourself, or someone else, it’s not worth it.
Lesson #7, don’t let your opponent know how tired you are, or how much pain you’re in. Stay consistent, because you’re calm and consistency will get into the head of those who aren’t ready for what you’ve brought them to this point.

That’s it. An unnecessary, and completely made up breakdown of what you can incorporate into your wrestling from Homer Simpson. Don’t worry though. This won’t be the last wrestling and Simpsons comp we get. There will be plenty more. Seriously though, I was interested in how this would turnout, but it seems Homer genuinely has as many hidden lessons in him, as he does in the spoken word. He is truly a philosopher, more than a TV Character, if you look hard enough. Fact of the matter is, he looks like most of us do at this point, but if you keep these seven lessons in mind, and take them to heart, you can remain ready to scrap, like Homer J Simpson.